Shannonccc2's Blog

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As I’m growing up in this world and realizing a few things here and there, one thing that I’m scared do death of is time. You really never know what will happen , which isn’t automatic for me in my mind, it takes TIME for me to realize that, and when I do I feel bad about that thing I said to my grandma or that rude comment I made to my mom. You see I’m a very naive person, right now, and I’m not looking at things in a positive way because all the bad is just smothering me like there’s no tomorrow.  I feel in order to have personal growth within myself i have to realize that time is very precious now that I’m leaving in the fall and i won’t see many high school friends again. I’m looking forward to meeting new people and all. I just feel like if i don’t take the time to have that conversation with my grandma or just say thank you to who ever it is that helped me through my whole high school career or just a simple i love you to family, my values will be lost. I know I’m still young and values can change but, i feel like i haven’t thought hard enough about what values are important to me in life. And i think i need that in order to stay sane in my life. I mean if I’m not completely clear on what’s important to me how can i expect anyone to get to know me, you know.Because things like that aren’t straight in my mind, after a while I can’t help but feel something bad is about to happen  or something isn’t going to go right. Then my whole attitude changes my whole persona changes and not in a good way. In an unapproachable way and I don’t like that. I’m starting a new chapter in my life and I can’t let negativity pull me down like a tone of bricks, people who have worked so hard for me to begin this new chapter don’t deserve to have their gift be useless, it’s just not fair, mom angel, Chrissie grandma , Russell, Allie, Ian and any other  family or friends,teachers or mentors, i just can’t let them down and I don’t want to, I want this new start to be a new me. Yes people do change but I have to go out there like I worked hard for the money and do my thing because I did work hard my school years and I’m not going to let  doubt ruin this. I want to make people proud to say they know me or proud to say they are related to me. I feel there will be some bumpy roads along the way and hey, bring it on! because that’s all that matters, is the bumps along the way and the experiences that I get. It’s one thing to walk over the bridge clean  and say that you made it and win the race but it’s another to fall off the bridge with mud and bruises all over your body and say that you lost the race. Winning is all good and all but I’d prefer to lose thank you very much.